I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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