The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
