That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
