omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
