help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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