im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
