SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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