I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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