Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
