I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
