I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
