She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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