meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
