She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
