you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
id be glad to
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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