just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
