She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
