I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
