Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
