This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Watching her eat just hurts me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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