im having a threesome with these popsicles
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
