Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
