Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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