Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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