ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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