Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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