We won't sleep together?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
