well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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