bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
