omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
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I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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