I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize