i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
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The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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