The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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