dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
