I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
