Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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