Your face is a jimmy john
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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