The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
