I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
