I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
