so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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