she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
