I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize