Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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