end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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