Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
