i don't like sucking hair
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
