I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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