You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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