stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
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