Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
