I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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