She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
