I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
