you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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