im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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