I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
