he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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