As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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