Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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