Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
