she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
