to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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