Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
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AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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