Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize