Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
