D3 body, D1 cock
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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