You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
